How Self Love Shaped my 2021 and How it's going to shape the rest of my life.

“This life is mine alone. So, I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been."

We all know the shit storm that was the year 2020 (and parts of 2021) . A lot of us were coping with loss, isolation and a sense of longing to be with our loved ones once again. I think it's really important to honor that as we close out 2021.

My theme for 2021 was Self Love.

Self love was central to the person I became in the aftermath of the wretched year that was 2020. 

Here are the ways I made that happen and what self love means to me! I could write a whole ass blog post about each of these so please let me know if you want me to expand on any of these!

Setting Boundaries 

As a former people pleaser, setting boundaries is the first step forward in an attempt to embody self-love and love me more. Self love means setting strong boundaries that uphold who you are, honor your time and honor your needs. You can set boundaries in both your professional and personal life.

For me this came in many forms. 

1. Acknowledging when I want to be somewhere and when I don't want to and be secure in that decision. 

2. not going out with friends when I want to be inside on my couch, setting boundaries about how my body feels and when to honor that. 

Setting boundaries looks like not wanting to be around certain people because they don't embody your values and don't make you the best version of yourself. That also means being ok with making some people upset because of that. 

Professionally, setting boundaries means

1. Knowing what projects are Hell yes and what projects are hell no.

2. Letting clients know what timeline is ok and not OK and having a surcharge for quick turnarounds 

3. Setting your email to OOO and not responding until it's over.

Healing My Inner Child 

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.”

Again, I could go on for days about this one. Let me explain a little bit about what this means. As Adults we need to acknowledge that a lot of our childhood experiences shape who we are today for the good and for the bad. Healing your inner child means taking steps to heal those parts that your child self hates or is traumatised by.

Here are some things I did to get one step closer to healing my inner child.

1. Give yourself the things you couldn't have as a child. For me it was legos, Manga comics and drawing whatever and whenever I wanted.

2. Reflect on how your parents parented you 

3. Ask yourself how your childhood shaped who you are today.

4. Cry with your inner child 

Again, the closer we can get to connecting with who we once were can allow us to heal and be a better person in the long run.

Playing 

This one goes hand in hand with healing your inner child. More play, less work, and this dosn’’t mean go have a three day bender. Playing means tapping into childline imagination and being able to play without connecting it to your work or schooling. 

Here are some ways to tap into it.

1. Play some video games 

2. Draw and paint with no end goal in mind and with no goal of sharing

3. Do a puzzle

4. Go on more walks to new places and parks 

5. Explore your own city more! 

6. Take yourself on a date to a new restaurant 

Creating 

Not only creating but creating authentic work that you want to make, not just satisfying an algorithm.

This means:

1. Creating work that you believe in

2. Being vulnerable in your work

3. Accepting that not everything you make will connect with everyone

4. Saying F*ckit to Social media norms

Accepting My Body 

Brayan Why isn't this ‘loving your body’ because loving your body is really freaking hard man. The first step is acceptance 

Yes love, we have to talk about body stuff. This is a huge part of self love. I know it's uncomfortable but I want to talk about my experiences in the hopes that we can get one step closer to accepting our bodies and loving them. 

I have been a heavyset man for a very long time and I still have trauma from being bullied and picked on because of my weight. It’s an insecurity that a lot of us share but there are some small things we can do to get closer to loving that body.

1. Accept it for what it is - There are a lot of things we can't change about ourselves but the cool thing is that that's who we are and those things are beautiful. 

2. Write down everything you find sexy about your body

3. Write down everything other people find sexy about your body 

4. Do some positive mirror talk Here is a cool guide to possible mirror talk

5. Write down your intentions for working out and being more fit

Little things like this go a long way to healing that insecurity and knowing you are doing things for yourself, not for anyone else.

Know your worth 

The last part of Self Love is knowing your work. Knowing your worth and boundaries go hand in hand. 

Knowing your worth means:

1. Knowing what you want from life - be it in relationships or professionally 

2. Being able to say out loud what you bring to the table and own it 

3. Write down or journal what you bring to the table, what are your skills, what are you an expert at

4. Set a private hourly rate that you don’t disclose to anyone even fi you arent a freelancer

5. Know exactly what you will not tolerate

The Colorful takeaway

1. Set boundaries professionally and Personally

2. Heal your inner child by looking at what you coculn’t do as a kid

3. Play and be playful everyday

4. Create authentic work that aligns with who you are

5. Accept your body for what it is and will be

6. Know your worth baby

This isn’t easy but taking small steps every day to cultivate self-love will bring you so much goodness

Love Brayan aka YAMZ